Alpha and X

The sun was setting, there was a light cloud cover, more grey and less orange. Everyone interpreted the sky in their own terms. Some found it beautiful enough to be immortalised by taking pictures or if you were gifted enough, make a painting.

But the sky to her had a gloomy appearance.

Prerna was standing by her window, with her coffee mug. Her drab life had set into a routine, waking up to find her husband already gone for the day. Rest of the time was taken up in household chores. A little chit chat with the domestic help, browsing through the newspapers, watching re runs of those overdressed characters in melodramatic soaps. The only saving grace was her prized i6, which she used to chat and talk with her mother and friends.
She wanted an adventurous life.  A fast life, sky diving, bungee jumping, partying, clubbing everything that her overprotective parents had denied her. And she had found her mate in Ajay. He was a free spirit running wild like her. The motorcycle trip to Ladakh with her friends,  was the most daring thing she had done.

Getting tattooed and tanned....she felt alive. It seemed too good to be true. And it wasn't.

Living on the edge was fine, but Ajay was not content with that. He crossed over to the other side, the dark underbelly of life in the hills. Smoking pot in dim lit shady rooms full of hammered bodies. She didn't mind an occasional drink but she didn't do drugs. It was not a matter of her upbringing, just that she valued punishing her body by pushing herself up difficult cliffs rather than lie sprawled morose under false narcotics induced ecstasy. Ajay did not understand her reluctance to go beyond the horizon. He coaxed her, teased her, provoked her, challenged her...and when all else failed, he beat her up, black and blue. She looked at the bruises and dismissed them as a minor misunderstanding. Love doesn't make you blind. It makes you stupid. She kept taking abuse till she realized, it wasn't love.

The home coming, unending sermons and hastily packed off in marriage. She had seen enough in a very short span of time. Now she had settled into a dull house wife's role. Caged bird, or a bird with wings clipped, no wonder she found the sky gloomy.

Ram Swaroop was 7 years older, mature, with a very laid back attitude to life. He was everything she didn't want in her man. A bespectacled writer, surrounded by books, pens, typewriter.

Who uses a typewriter?? not even the lethargic moronic intelligence level Government clerks.

But this was the price she had to pay, for wanting to be a free spirit. Now she had to wait by the window watching life slip away.

The phone rang jolting her back to reality. It was her friend Gunjan from Shimla. She was speaking so fast and incoherently. Gunjan was her only link to the Ladakh escapade,  one of the four, on a freedom run. A run from the shackles of the conservative society, that ended in a nightmare nevertheless. She had to tell Gunjan to calm down.

Ajay was in ICU with a fractured jaw and broken ribs.

"Oh! Thats bad," all she could muster.
When Gunjan asked, if she was ok. Prerna just shrugged her shoulders and stated matter of factly that she had disconnected from her Ex and moved on.

She hung up, she thought about the Ex. The Run for freedom, the adrenalin filled adventure, then the abuse and the torture. The wounds and bruises were gone, but the scars...well they just refuse to go away.

As the news began to sink in, she visualized the Ex lying in a hospital bed, beaten black and blue. A strange relief swept over her, making her shiver.
Karma had finally caught up with Ex. Gods had delayed, but not denied her justice.

She saw the car pulling into the drive way. Her husband was back. She rushed to the washroom and splashed her face with cold water. There was no reason to let him see her reminiscing her past. She had a secure life with him and she wouldn't mess it up this time.

Ram Swaroop came in and exchanged a quick hello, and headed straight for his room. She went into the kitchen and started getting dinner ready. Boring and bland dinner...

She arranged the plates on the dining table and walked into the bedroom. He was in the shower. The coat lying crumpled on the bed. She picked it up to put it away, when she noticed the sleeves were soiled.
Oh God! Ram Swaroop, at least appear well dressed in public. She made a face,  rolled up her eyes to the heaven and grimaced.

This will have to be drycleaned. She began to empty the pockets. A wallet, some bills, cover of his spectacles and a ticket stub.

Airline boarding card...Shimla

He was on a flight today. He did not tell her. Was he hiding something? Was he having an affair?? She looked into the pockets found nothing else. She opened the wallet,

Cash
Credit card
Driver's licence
Visiting cards
And a photo...

She reeled back in horror...

It was her photograph,  in a helmet sitting on a motorcycle perched on hilltop.
Her Ex had clicked this. They had made two copies. She had burnt hers but he hadn't. He carried it around. And here it was in the wallet of Ram Swaroop.

He knew...

He must have known all along.

She put everything back and went  to her refuge in the kitchen. She stayed there. Wondering what she would say and how she would explain.

She heard the chair at the dining table being pulled back. She took a deep breath and came to his side. He was huge, six feet tall, little out of shape, but still huge. His hands were resting on the table either side of the empty plate.
She noticed it right away. Cut marks on his knuckles. He had been in a fight.

What happened to your hands ?

Nothing, just ...got cut. Dinner is ready ??

Hmmm. Ok.

She rushed back into the kitchen. He was not angry. He wasn't asking questions. Her shoulders relaxed as the colour returned to her face.

It wasn't the Gods delivering justice. It was the bespectacled boring laid back Ram Swaroop. He had dug up her past, located the Ex, taken a flight to Shimla and beaten the hell out of him.

He was nothing like she imagined. He was not the old fashioned Chocolate and flowers type man. No No No...he was much more old fashioned than that. He was a testosterone reeking, fist swinging, score settling caveman. Law of the land be damned. To hell with social propriety. If you touch the ones I love, I will hunt you down type old fashioned.

A smile appeared across her face and her eyes lit up.

I haven't got anything ready for dinner. I know this place, that serves excellent Thai. I am sure you will like it. Just give me some time to change. Today your wife is taking you out on a date.

He looked at her bemused as she disappeared  into the bedroom.

She put on her lipstick... looked at herself in the mirror.

She was ready to step out.

She was ready to take on the world.

The Angels be excused, she said to herself. I am married to the ALPHA MALE.

I am Narayani

The poem is about the Supreme Goddess, Shakti, who is power of the Trinity, Brahma Vishnu Mahesh. The Goddess has 108 names, some of which have been used in the poem.

प्रारम्भ हूँ भ्रमांड का 
इसका अंत भी हूँ मैं 
प्रतक्ष्या हूँ, अदृश्य हूँ 
शुन्य से अनंत भी हूँ मैं 

Prarambh hoon brahmand ka

Iska antt bhi hoon main

Pratyaksha hoon, adrishya  hoon

Shunya se anant bhi hoon main

I am the origin of the universe
And I am the end
I am visible all around and invisible too
I am everything from zero to infinity

पवन का वेग हूँ, जल की धारा 
वसुंधरा का हर एक कण हूँ मैं 
भूत हूँ, भविष्य भी 
समय का हर क्षण हूँ मैं 

Pavan ka veg hoon, jal ki dhaara

Vasundhara ka har kann hoon main

Bhuut hoon, bhavishya bhi

Samay ka har kshann hoon main

I am the wind, i am the water
I am every grain of soil
I am the past, i am the present, i am every moment of time

दुर्गा हूँ वैष्णवी भी 
अस्त्र शास्त्र धारिणी हूँ मैं 
चामुण्डा हूँ भद्रकाली भी
महिषासुर घातिनी हूँ मैं
 

Durga hoon, Vaishnavi bhi

Astra Shastra dharini hoon main

Chamunda hoon, Bhadrakaali bhi

Mahishasur ghaatini hoon main

Durga, Vaishnavi....name of the Invincible Goddess
Who carries weapons
Chamunda....slayer of Chand Mund Demons
Slayer of Mahishasur Demon

मातृ पिता के स्नेह से अनिभिज्ञ 
क्यूंकि सर्व श्रिष्टि की जननी मैं 
इसलिए काया पुत्तरी की धारण कर 
भरद्वाज कुल में जनमी मैं
 

Matr Pita ke sneh se anibhigya

Kyunki sarv srishti ki janani main

Isliye kaya puttri ki dharan kar

Bhardwaj kul mein janmi  main

I did not know the love of a mother and father,

 because I created the world and no one created me.
Thats why I was born as a girl in the Bhardwaj clan.

नटखट हूँ चंचल हूँ 
अंगना में गूंजता कोलाहल मैं 
हठ कपट रूठना मनाना 
हर बाल लीला में कुशल मैं
 

Natkhat hoon, chanchal hoon

Angnaa mein goonjta kolahal main

Hath, kapat, roothna manana

Har baal leela mein kushal main

I am mischievous and restless.
The house reverberates with my laughter
Throwing tantrums, feigning, acting upset,
am expert in all that kids do.

पल में कोमल, पल में कठोर 
सतरंगी ममता देख रही मैं 
थक कर पिता के आलिंगन को 
शय्या बनता देख रही मैं
 

Pal mein komal, pal mein kathore

Satrangi mamta dekh rahi main

Thak kar pita ke aalingan ko

Shayya banta dekh rahi main

From doting mother to an angry mother, 

i have seen all colours of mothers affection
I get tired and in a bed made of my fathers embrace,
I fall asleep.

लाडली  हूँ, चहेती हूँ 
पिता के हर स्वास का प्राण हूँ मैं 
प्रतिष्ठा हूँ, सम्मान हूँ
पिता का स्वाभिमान हूँ मैं 

Laadli hoon, chaheti hoon

Pita ke har shwaas ka praan hoon main

Pratishtha hoon, samman hoon

Pita ka swabhimaan hoon main

I am my fathers favourite.
I am the the life in his breath.
I am his self respect

भुजा की ज्वाला हूँ, बलप्रदा हूँ 
पिता का अहंकार हूँ मैं 
भाग्य हूँ लक्ष्मी हूँ 
सुख समृद्धि धन का अम्बार हूँ मैं
 

Bhuja ki jwala hoon, Balprada hoon

Pita ka ahankaar hoon main

Bhagya hoon, Laxmi hoon

Sukh samridhi dhan ka ambaar hoon main

I am the fire in his arms,
i am his strength. ( Balprada....name of Goddess)
I am his pride.
I have written his destiny,
I am the reason for his wealth and happiness

ओढ़नी हूँ लाल चुनार की
अस्मिता की मर्यादा हूँ मैं 
आँखों में बसा काजल हूँ 
माँ के मुख की आभा  मैं
 

Oddhnee hoon laal chunar ki

Asmitaa ki maryada hoon main

Aankhon mein basaa kaajal hoon

Maa ke mukh ki aabhaa hoon main

I am the red colour veil my mother wears ( married woman)

I am the protector of her respect.
I am the beauty in her eyes.
I am the reason her face radiates.

सखी हूँ  सहेली हूँ 
माँ की जीवन पर्यन्त संगिनी हूँ मैं 
अन्नपूर्णा हूँ, शक्ति हूँ 
माँ के चूल्हे की अग्नि भी हूँ मैं 

Sakhi hoon, saheli hoon

Ma ki jeevan paryant sangini hoon main

Annapoorna hoon, shakti hoon,

Ma ke chuleh ki agni hoon main

I am a friend for my mother,
 a companion for her lifetime. 

I am the reason, she is healthy and
I am the fire in the kitchen which feeds our family.

सन्देश भी हूँ मतिहीन समाज को
चाहे जन्मी कन्या रूपिणी हूँ मैं 
स्वयं भ्रह्म विष्णु महेश भी निशक्त मेरे बिना 
क्यूंकि त्रिदेव शक्ति नारायणी हूँ मैं 

Sandesh hoon, matiheen samaj ko

Chahe janmi kanyarupini hoon main

Svayam Brahma Vishnu Mahesh nishakt  mere bina

Kyunki Tridev Shakti Narayani hoon main

I am a message to the ignorant society too.
Though I am born as a girl child.
Do not forget, without me, even Brahma Vishnu Mahesh are powerless.
Because I am the power of God... Narayani.

 

ONE LAST TIME.

A man on bed
       In throes of death
Dying to Survive
       Gasping last breath
Pleading to the Masters
        Oh Pray !!
I ask, my merciful
        One last day

Wasn't alone I realize
         Walking through my life
A companion and friend
         Devoted, dedicated, my wife
Clean home, warm hearth
         Her hands covered in grime
Never thanked, let me now
         Kiss her one last time

So engrossed in work
         Quest fuelled every stride
My children are well fed
         But the childhood cried
Awaits an incomplete sandcastle
        An unheard nursery rhyme
Let me play with them
        O Lord, one last time

Parents acquainted me to the world
        Gave me wings to fly
How can I depart
        Without saying even a goodbye
Sweat blood & sacrifice theirs
         I was the reason prime
Let me in gratitude
          Embrace them one last time

There at the nook
          My best friend stands
Tears in his eyes
          Tremors shaking hands
He has been, in thick and thin
           A partner in every crime
Let me share a joke,
           Laugh with him, one last time

And then a bright light
             A hand shook and awoke me
Good morning, greeted my lovely wife
             I joined hands, prayed to thee
Thank you Lord
              For this last chance
For I shall live
               Live like its for one last time

The Rich and the Abandoned.....

Both the phones rang at the same time. The one on the table, an old fashioned, vintage dial up Graham Bell. The other a sleek touchscreen HTC in my pocket. Which one should I attend first. The boss or the wife.

It was the Commissioner at the other end.
Yes Sir....
Attempted break in.....ok Sir
Leaving right away, Sir
Yes Sir
I will update you from there, Sir.
Well understood, Sir.

It wasn't a big city. Crime rate was low. Petty crimes mostly. An attempted break in at the house of the local Industrialist was a serious issue. Especially because he was a friend of the Commissioner.

I called the constable to bring the jeep out front and wait. I grabbed my walkie Talkie, holstered my .32 and rushed out.

Where to, Sir? The constable asked. He doubled as my driver. A young chap, always on lookout for an adventure.

There has been an attempted break in at the house of Mr. Taneja. That's where we are headed.

Should I switch on the siren ??  He smiled as he asked the question. I just smiled back, which he took for a No. Too many movies, these guys watch. They romanticize the idea of a Cop's job, make it appear larger than life. In reality its  plain dirty and ugly, dealing with the lowest scums of the society, day after day. Who would want to marry a Cop.

Oh, that reminded me. The missed call from Prerna, my other boss.

Hello, dear.

My wife answered. Hi, if you are not too busy, can you take a look at something.
I got a call from my Aunt, Dr Sanyukta. She needs some help from you.

Sure dear, is she coming over ??

No, no. She is at the Old Age home. If you can visit her there.

Old age home?? You abandoned your own aunt. That's so not done. I remarked in jest.

Don't be silly. She does courtesy calls at the Old Age home twice a week. You husbands are incorrigible.

Yes Ma'am, and I disconnected. Now lets see whats up at Mr. Tanejas.

We pulled up outside, what was the biggest house in Town. The Government Primary School building was smaller than this. Neatly manicured lawn, flower pots lining the road, which extended all the way from the gate to the Porch. A BMW 7 series parked outside the garage, probably because there was no space inside. The steps leading up from the porch were carpeted too. And the main door, a massive Oak with a lots of brass decoration attached to it. Wow, its good to be rich.

As I stepped into the massive hall, I saw an agitated Mr. Taneja pacing about. I had seen him a couple of time in the party at the Commissioner's residence. Where he was a guest and I was.....well..... looking after the arrangements.

I was going to introduce myself, but as of now, knowing my name wasn't on his list of priorities. So Inspector, there you are. A voice, clear and resounding, comfortable giving orders, used to having minnows at beck and call.

We had an attempted break-in. What is going on. What's happening to the law and order in this city.

Sir, can I have some details.

Details....The alarm went off at around 04.00am.

What Alarm,Sir.

The intruder alarm, for God's sake. You do know what's an intruder alarm. Its a state of art alarm from a Norwegian Firm. What else do you expect. I can't leave the security of my loved ones at the mercy of local police. Do you ever step out of your police station.

I just kept nodding.......wow, Its good to be rich.

So, like I was saying, I had this intruder alarm installed just yesterday. And the alarm went off at 04.00am. I thought its a false alarm and after a casual look around, I reset it and went back to sleep.
But in the morning, the gardener reported footprints outside the window, the window of the room where my son sleeps.

Somebody tried to break in and Gods be thanked, the intruder alarm saved us.

So, nothing was taken. I remarked.

Nothing was taken!!! He bellowed. Nothing was taken .....I am amazed at your audacity and utter lack of concern.
Are you waiting for something to be taken, before you treat this as a crime. Do you even comprehend the seriousness of what I told you just now.
I run an industry, Inspector. An industry that provides livelihood to hundreds of people. I manufacture and export products.  I contribute to the economy by bringing in foreign exchange. That's how the country progresses.  And its from my money and my taxes, that the Government pays your salary. If I can't sleep peacefully, and I have to stay up all night fearing for the safety of my children.....How the hell do you expect me to go to work.

Wow.......free lessons in Economics, I thought with a straight face.
I will take a quick look around and get back to you.

The Gardener will show you around. He said dismissing me with a wave of hand,

Yes Sir. And off I went.

The foot prints under the window were fresh. Sports shoes. The soil was wet, from previous evenings watering of plants around. The window was slightly open. I could have it dusted for finger prints. I clicked some photographs and headed back to the jeep.

If my constable had seen the reception I got, he would have been shattered. He still thought, Law was supreme and everyone was in awe of the police uniform.
The law just does not apply to the rich.

Where to Sir ?? Back to the station ??

No, lets go to the old age home. We have seen the Rich, now lets see the Abandoned.

The old age home was a few kilometers away. An old British era dilapidated building that an NGO had taken over and were running as the last refuge of poor abandoned souls.  As soon as we arrived, I saw Dr Sanyukta sitting in the lawn examining her patients.

she stood up to greet me as I walked up. So glad, you could come. Please have a seat. I am just about finishing with the last patient. Then I will be free to talk to you.

Dr.Sanyukta, the Doctor, had a persona that had Mother written all over. The smile on her face and her soothing voice were enough to rest at ease any ills you might be suffering. She ran a clinic in the town and did house visits. I wonder if the NGO paid her anything. Knowing her nature, they might have narrated the plight of the elderly inmates and she would have readily agreed to work for free.

There, I am free now. She said putting away her stethoscope into her bag.
Prerna talks about you all the time. I always wondered how you go about solving the crimes. It must be so interesting. And that uniform of yours exuding power, it must feel good to be a Cop.

Like I said, her voice, the soothing voice, healed my wounded pride, the wounds from the Hostile reception at Mr. Taneja's house.

Well, its a job like any other. I tried to downplay my importance against my own free will.

No, I find it very interesting, she carried on. How do you go about collecting and analysing evidence and finally catch the criminals.

Well its just that we are trained. Trained to ignore the obvious, look for the the unseen, we connect the dots and sometimes we get lucky. I tried to put it in simple terms.

Oh that's so well put. Well the reason I asked for your help is, regarding my patient here, an elderly Gentleman, everyone calls Bapuji. He was the fittest of the lot. While rest of the people here do some mild form of exercise, he was a regular. He cycled everyday. Today I found he had low BP and running high fever.

How can I help you with that. I asked.

Thats what I am coming to. She continued. His illness is more psychological than physical. You see, he is in depression because his cycle has been stolen.

Oh ! Thats all. This was a non issue. My mind already back to Taneja Case.

She probably read my mind. You see, its a small matter, if I file a complaint, it wont be taken very seriously. Its just a cycle and he is a nobody. But it was his most prized possession here. He used to cycle everyday early in the morning. If you could help me out with this one, I will be ever so grateful. I wish we had a watchman here, to look after these things and help around with small errands.

Don't you worry. I will see what I can do. I took the description of the cycle and walked towards my jeep.

As soon as we drove out of the Old Age home, I dialled my Police Station.
Tell all the beat constables to report to me if they come across any street urchin or smack addicts riding around on a red hercules bicycle.

We had driven for 5 minutes only when my walkie talkie buzzed.

Sir, Beat Constable Ram Yadav reporting. Over.

Yes Ram Yadav, go ahead, over.

Sir, today early morning during patrolling on temple road, I saw Raju the local history sheeter with a red cycle. Over.

Ok Noted. Ram Yadav. That will be all. Over and out.

How many cycles are there in the city? I asked my driver.

May be in Lakhs, Sir.

How many Red in colour?

Maybe in thousands, Sir?

How many out early in the morning ?

Very few Sir.

And how many out in the morning with a history sheeter on top??

May be the one, we are looking for, Sir.

And So you see Doctor Sanyukta,  we sometimes  just get lucky.

"Driver, temple road, lane no 3". At least one thing taken care of.

The lanes were narrow. I had to leave the jeep on the road and walk the rest of the way. People I crossed on the way, would avoid looking at me, stop and stutter, or just change directions. Its amusing at times.

As I stepped into the doorway of Raju's house, he got up with a start.
I was going to call you Sir. I didn't do it. I swear on my mother, Sir. I promised, Sir I will change for the better. I am trying, Sir. Believe me, Sir.

When a guy is giving up information at that rate. You just don't interrupt him. I let him continue.

I went looking for a job to the other town. But nobody hired me. I got tired and arrived back today in the morning. Here is my bus ticket. You can check with the Conductor also.

So, Raju, the Bus Conductor gave you the cycle to ride home. Ahaan

No Sir. I was walking back from the bus stand. I was passing by the big house and suddenly loud alarms went off. I got scared. You know, I have a past record. I thought I would get blamed for whatever happened. Then I saw a man running towards me. I panicked, Sir. I saw the cycle standing near the entrance, so I picked it up and ran.

This was interesting. Like I said, never interrupt.

So you picked up the cycle from outside the big house. And who was coming to catch you.

I dont know Sir, it was dark, I couldnt see clearly.

And so you see Doctor Sanyukta, sometimes we see the unseen and just connect the dots. I was smiling as I turned to leave.

Raju followed me out. Am I in trouble Sir.

No Raju, not right now. Return the cycle to the Old Age home and report for work there everyday. If I get any complaints about you, then, and only then, you will be in big trouble.

He stood there unable to understand how the clock had turned a full circle in a few moments.

I wasn't interested in his expression. I had a bigger fish to fry.

I got into the jeep, told my driver constable. To the House of Mr. Taneja as fast as you can. And yes, you can switch on the siren.

As we neared the house, I asked him to switch off the siren. He had had his thrill. Now it was time to get mine. I walked up the same carpeted steps and entered the hall. The society's Rich and Famous ladies had descended on Mr. Taneja's house. The creme de la creme.

This is going to be fun. I will just stand and watch.

The red one is almost having a heart attack, Oh Mrs. Taneja, I was so shocked. I cancelled my beautician's appointment and rushed over.

The green one went, Can't imagine what would have happened, if the intruder had got in.

The Pink one, I will tell my husband to install the same alarm system. You just text me the name.

The blue one, I can imagine how scared you must be. I know what a caring mother you are. Right outside your son's window........ Oh thank God, you all are safe

"You are back early, Inspector. Something you forgot" said the spoil sport Mr. Taneja

My turn....

Well Mr. Taneja, I am pleased to inform you that we have identified the intruder and will arrest him shortly.
We will be charging him under Indian Penal Code sections
441 for Criminal trespass
442  for House trespass
444 for Lurking house, trespass by night
446  for House-breaking by night
The old man will argue in his defence that he cycles everyday from the old age home to your house to catch a glimpse of his grandson, and he didn't know about the new alarm system. But the law is the law. He must be made to understand, if you cannot sleep, the Country cannot PROGRESSSSS.

Have you seen six butterflies with painted mouths stop fluttering all at once.

Or, have you seen a Man's face turn a shade more red than his wife's lipstick.

I just did.

And I did absolutely nothing to wipe the smirk off my face. Hope now you will sleep well. Mr.Taneja, I said as I walked out.

As I got into my jeep, I called my boss, ....the other one.

Hi Prerna. Justice is served. I am on my way home.

From the other side...

It was a long drive. My taxi, free of the airport congestion, hit the highway and picked up speed. Buildings whizzed by as I settled into the back seat and looked out of the window.
It was exactly one year ago, when I had received the first text.

"I need you, can you come...... "

Over the last year, she had texted regularly and I soaked in her pain and her sorrow. I tried to cheer her up with stupid jokes and inspirational quotes. It took me an year to realize, she wasn't going to recover from the abyss I had found her in. Not without help. And here I was. It had taken me an year to overcome my own inhibitions. But I had come.

As the taxi pulled up outside her house, I looked up at the door. The last time she had seen me off, she looked sad, on the verge of saying something, but not finding the words to say it. It was 7 years ago, but seems like yesterday.

I need a cab later, to go to my hotel. I said to the taxi driver. 
I will wait if you dont take long, he replied.

Glad that the getaway part was sorted, I inhaled deeply and walked towards the door. I rang the bell and braced myself for the first sight of her after 7 long years. Would she be still as beautiful or had the age and pain scarred her.

The door opened and standing in front of me, was a man I had begun to loathe. Dressed in a vest with ketchup marks, a filthy jockey, unkempt hair, and white stubble on his chin. How could a Goddess like her stay married to this creep. I tried to appear civil and exchanged formal pleasantries. He held the door open as I walked in. The place was a mess. Empty beer bottles, overflowing ashtray, half eaten pizza.....looked more like a bachelor's pad.

I settled down on whatever little place I could find on the sofa. He just crumbled into one opposite to me.
So what do you want?? He was straight to the point.
Nothing much, I said, I had some work in the city, so dropped in to say Hello.
He shook his head in a manner, that said, Whatever.

I wanted to get this over with fast and without a fuss. Will he create a scene?? He is too drunk to put up a fight. I was exploring my options and then went for it.
What a mess, you have here. The lady is not keeping your house clean.

He gave a nonchalant look around, sank deeper into the sofa and said, she comes in once a week.

Once a week ?? I am sorry, what's that supposed to mean.

She comes in once a week, the maid. By the time, he laboured to the end of the sentence, his exasperation was becoming evident. I was an intrusion he was barely tolerating.

What about your wife. She is not the type to tolerate such filth in her living room.
Did she walk out on you ?? I chuckled.

Yeah, Kinda. He said, leaned back and closed his eyes.

Kinda !!! Walked out !!! I had to summon all my strength to prevent my face from betraying my relief. This is going to be easy. She has already walked out. He doesn't factor into my plans anymore. I needed to get out fast.

I feigned concern and asked, I am sorry, but when did this happen ??

About, a year ago. He mumbled.

A year ago, a year ago.....the pieces fell into place as my brain processed this new information. That's when she reached out to me.

Where is she now ?? I pushed my luck.

220 Everglades, .....I didnt hear the rest of his answer. My feet were already moving. I was making it too obvious, but just didnt care what he made out of it. The loser that he was.

I sprinted to my taxi. Everglades, I said even before I closed the door.

Why didnt she tell me? It would have been easier. I could have come earlier.
Want to buy some flowers? the taxi driver asked.
Flowers ??? Was I thinking aloud? How did the taxi driver know, I was going to meet her. Oh, I am just being paranoid.
No, I dismissed him.

The taxi pulled up outside a massive wrought iron gate. The kind of you see in mansions in black and white Alfred Hitchcock movies. The sign in Iron welded intricately into the gate said, EVERGLADES.

I paid the taxi driver off, collected my bag and walked towards the gate. There was no guard around. I pushed at the gate, and it opened up easily, albeit with a eerie creaking sound.  I walked in, the path was marbled, with  flowers of every hue and huge pine trees on both sides.

Hmm rich place. Instead of taking her home, I should move in with her.
I laughed at my own lame joke.

As I came into a clearing at the end of the path, my heart sank. There were no massive mansions around. The bastard had given me a wrong address. He must have known, I was coming for her. My blood boiled in rage as I looked around at the neat rows of graves. He had sent me to a cemetery, the Jerk. For what, For a moment of solace, for delaying the inevitable. I was taking her home, no matter what.

I walked back towards the massive gates, hoping the taxi would be still there. 220 Everglades.....he had me fooled there, my ego took it hard........220 Everglades..........220........220.
Why did he mention that.

I stopped.

I walked back towards the graves. They were marked with names, dates, tearful adieu, epitaphs and a small number like a footnote on every tombstone. I walked between the neat rows.

53......107....200....217,  218, 219, ...220.

Neatly calligraphed into the stone was a name

PRERNA

Numbed by a massive shock wave travelling up the spine, making every hair follicle stand up on the end. I just stood there, rooted.

A year back........walked out.....kinda....

But the texts....she texted....

The requiem of my thoughts is broken as my cell phone beeps, jolting me.

I looked at the screen. It read

I missed you, glad you came.........

CROSSROADS

It was like any other winter morning, the Sun struggling to reach out through the unrelenting morning fog.

Vehicles rushing past the CrossRoads in near zero visibility at measured speeds. The drivers walking the thin line between reaching on time and reaching alive.

Passengers of all hue, huddled around a small tea shack, taking in the warmth of tea cups and talking in subdued voices.

Ramji, the tea seller, owned the shack. His face was shrivelled and as weather beaten as his shack. Both had stood the test of time and seen many a harsh winters pass. He had meagre belongings, amongst them an army sweater, torn in places and patched in as many. He had no complaints as he did brisk business in winters. The Tea Shack was the only shop at the crossing, a landmark and sole source of comfort for all passengers waiting for their transport.

Ramji had seen life whiz past on the highway, and though his fortunes had not improved much, he had gained valuable insight into life itself. With no other entertainment available, Ramji spent his days working and looking at his customers, reading faces, overhearing exchanges, looking for interesting stories to narrate to his customers on a later day.
Today Ramji's interest was a lady with a small child. She had been standing there for some time. Her face, a beautiful painting depicting pain, which you couldnt decide whether to praise or feel sorry for. She doesn't know the way or can't decide which road to take, Ramji thought.

Prarthna could not hear Ramji's thoughts. She could not hear the chatter of other people standing around. She could not hear anything. She was far far away, oblivious, lost in thoughts.

The only voices she could hear were the voices in her head.

The voice of her mother, a voice that always soothed her, calmed her as she began her journey from a child safely swathed in umbilical fluid, through her growing up years, from threshold of youth to a woman.
But today her voice was cutting away at her heart, like a merciless cold knife.
All men are like that. You think your father was different. Haven't I stayed here in this house fulfilling my duties to him and his parents. You think,  I have never been abused, beaten or humiliated. We are Women. We have patience to endure. Men are impatient and sometimes lose there temper. But they keep you safe with a roof on your head. How many days will you survive, out there all by yourself.

Her Aunt, ever ready with snide remarks, cut in, " What will the people say".

Standing by the door, her father watched, feeling sorry for his child yet not understanding the reason for her pain. She will be fine, if she learns not to ask,why.

And there was Anuj, the undying romantic from her awkward teen years, who promised the moon. Would he take her in, if she walked out of her personal hell. And all he could muster was , What will the people say.

Entangled by the stereotype outlook of society, Prarthna,  suffered bouts of indecisions, questioning her own worth and sanity.

Her heart imposed a conflict on her mind
Should I free myself of misery, Or think about the future of my child.Those eight inch walls of my prison or a merciless jungle in the open. Those humiliations from a worthless man or that innocent smile of the one I have so painstakingly nurtured. Freedom for myself or for my child a better life !!

Her thoughts are interrupted as the Child calls her,

"Ma".

Let my loveless life bring love in his life. Let my tears bring along his reason to smile. And let my misery bring him wisdom Making my sacrifice worthwhile..
A step back but a step forward, To be strong and let the pains win

The day he will stand tall n accomplished, that day all affliction shall heal!!

As she drew in a deep breath, the cold air rushed in, and strangely did not sting. It rather steeled her resolve. The haze in front of her eyes lifted, as the sun rays finally overcame the stubborn fog.

"Come Kanha, lets go". She said as the child smiled and tightened his grip on her hand.

Ramji looked up and saw her taking a step.

Ahaa, now she knows which way to go.

If I love you........

Hair disheveled
Dress in disarray
In the corner
Cowering you lay

The past is back
Wolves dark & grey
Snarling breaths
You, helpless prey

I tower over you
Strong and proud
My face doesnt betray
My doubts, aloud

I have kept from you
A cure for your ills
A boon from the mystic
Staying up the hills

It will take the pain
Make you forget
Make me irrelevant
Is all i regret

The wounds will heal
Wolves, you shall slay
You wont remember me
All I did since that day

I can afford you
Beaten and bent
Clinging to my arms
A lifetime spent

You are a trophy
A possession to keep
Rules my ego
& conscience asleep

Then I see a tear emerge
Move down your face
Tiny, heavy with burden
Leaving a kohl trace

--------------------------------------------

Busy street and crowded
Just another day
But the crowd pauses
And  makes way

Dark glasses, silky hair
Steps brisk & bold
Many a heads turn
A beauty to behold

For a glimmer of recognition
I am ready to die
I look up at you
& you just walk on by.........