Alpha and X

The sun was setting, there was a light cloud cover, more grey and less orange. Everyone interpreted the sky in their own terms. Some found it beautiful enough to be immortalised by taking pictures or if you were gifted enough, make a painting.

But the sky to her had a gloomy appearance.

Prerna was standing by her window, with her coffee mug. Her drab life had set into a routine, waking up to find her husband already gone for the day. Rest of the time was taken up in household chores. A little chit chat with the domestic help, browsing through the newspapers, watching re runs of those overdressed characters in melodramatic soaps. The only saving grace was her prized i6, which she used to chat and talk with her mother and friends.
She wanted an adventurous life.  A fast life, sky diving, bungee jumping, partying, clubbing everything that her overprotective parents had denied her. And she had found her mate in Ajay. He was a free spirit running wild like her. The motorcycle trip to Ladakh with her friends,  was the most daring thing she had done.

Getting tattooed and tanned....she felt alive. It seemed too good to be true. And it wasn't.

Living on the edge was fine, but Ajay was not content with that. He crossed over to the other side, the dark underbelly of life in the hills. Smoking pot in dim lit shady rooms full of hammered bodies. She didn't mind an occasional drink but she didn't do drugs. It was not a matter of her upbringing, just that she valued punishing her body by pushing herself up difficult cliffs rather than lie sprawled morose under false narcotics induced ecstasy. Ajay did not understand her reluctance to go beyond the horizon. He coaxed her, teased her, provoked her, challenged her...and when all else failed, he beat her up, black and blue. She looked at the bruises and dismissed them as a minor misunderstanding. Love doesn't make you blind. It makes you stupid. She kept taking abuse till she realized, it wasn't love.

The home coming, unending sermons and hastily packed off in marriage. She had seen enough in a very short span of time. Now she had settled into a dull house wife's role. Caged bird, or a bird with wings clipped, no wonder she found the sky gloomy.

Ram Swaroop was 7 years older, mature, with a very laid back attitude to life. He was everything she didn't want in her man. A bespectacled writer, surrounded by books, pens, typewriter.

Who uses a typewriter?? not even the lethargic moronic intelligence level Government clerks.

But this was the price she had to pay, for wanting to be a free spirit. Now she had to wait by the window watching life slip away.

The phone rang jolting her back to reality. It was her friend Gunjan from Shimla. She was speaking so fast and incoherently. Gunjan was her only link to the Ladakh escapade,  one of the four, on a freedom run. A run from the shackles of the conservative society, that ended in a nightmare nevertheless. She had to tell Gunjan to calm down.

Ajay was in ICU with a fractured jaw and broken ribs.

"Oh! Thats bad," all she could muster.
When Gunjan asked, if she was ok. Prerna just shrugged her shoulders and stated matter of factly that she had disconnected from her Ex and moved on.

She hung up, she thought about the Ex. The Run for freedom, the adrenalin filled adventure, then the abuse and the torture. The wounds and bruises were gone, but the scars...well they just refuse to go away.

As the news began to sink in, she visualized the Ex lying in a hospital bed, beaten black and blue. A strange relief swept over her, making her shiver.
Karma had finally caught up with Ex. Gods had delayed, but not denied her justice.

She saw the car pulling into the drive way. Her husband was back. She rushed to the washroom and splashed her face with cold water. There was no reason to let him see her reminiscing her past. She had a secure life with him and she wouldn't mess it up this time.

Ram Swaroop came in and exchanged a quick hello, and headed straight for his room. She went into the kitchen and started getting dinner ready. Boring and bland dinner...

She arranged the plates on the dining table and walked into the bedroom. He was in the shower. The coat lying crumpled on the bed. She picked it up to put it away, when she noticed the sleeves were soiled.
Oh God! Ram Swaroop, at least appear well dressed in public. She made a face,  rolled up her eyes to the heaven and grimaced.

This will have to be drycleaned. She began to empty the pockets. A wallet, some bills, cover of his spectacles and a ticket stub.

Airline boarding card...Shimla

He was on a flight today. He did not tell her. Was he hiding something? Was he having an affair?? She looked into the pockets found nothing else. She opened the wallet,

Cash
Credit card
Driver's licence
Visiting cards
And a photo...

She reeled back in horror...

It was her photograph,  in a helmet sitting on a motorcycle perched on hilltop.
Her Ex had clicked this. They had made two copies. She had burnt hers but he hadn't. He carried it around. And here it was in the wallet of Ram Swaroop.

He knew...

He must have known all along.

She put everything back and went  to her refuge in the kitchen. She stayed there. Wondering what she would say and how she would explain.

She heard the chair at the dining table being pulled back. She took a deep breath and came to his side. He was huge, six feet tall, little out of shape, but still huge. His hands were resting on the table either side of the empty plate.
She noticed it right away. Cut marks on his knuckles. He had been in a fight.

What happened to your hands ?

Nothing, just ...got cut. Dinner is ready ??

Hmmm. Ok.

She rushed back into the kitchen. He was not angry. He wasn't asking questions. Her shoulders relaxed as the colour returned to her face.

It wasn't the Gods delivering justice. It was the bespectacled boring laid back Ram Swaroop. He had dug up her past, located the Ex, taken a flight to Shimla and beaten the hell out of him.

He was nothing like she imagined. He was not the old fashioned Chocolate and flowers type man. No No No...he was much more old fashioned than that. He was a testosterone reeking, fist swinging, score settling caveman. Law of the land be damned. To hell with social propriety. If you touch the ones I love, I will hunt you down type old fashioned.

A smile appeared across her face and her eyes lit up.

I haven't got anything ready for dinner. I know this place, that serves excellent Thai. I am sure you will like it. Just give me some time to change. Today your wife is taking you out on a date.

He looked at her bemused as she disappeared  into the bedroom.

She put on her lipstick... looked at herself in the mirror.

She was ready to step out.

She was ready to take on the world.

The Angels be excused, she said to herself. I am married to the ALPHA MALE.

I am Narayani

The poem is about the Supreme Goddess, Shakti, who is power of the Trinity, Brahma Vishnu Mahesh. The Goddess has 108 names, some of which have been used in the poem.

प्रारम्भ हूँ भ्रमांड का 
इसका अंत भी हूँ मैं 
प्रतक्ष्या हूँ, अदृश्य हूँ 
शुन्य से अनंत भी हूँ मैं 

Prarambh hoon brahmand ka

Iska antt bhi hoon main

Pratyaksha hoon, adrishya  hoon

Shunya se anant bhi hoon main

I am the origin of the universe
And I am the end
I am visible all around and invisible too
I am everything from zero to infinity

पवन का वेग हूँ, जल की धारा 
वसुंधरा का हर एक कण हूँ मैं 
भूत हूँ, भविष्य भी 
समय का हर क्षण हूँ मैं 

Pavan ka veg hoon, jal ki dhaara

Vasundhara ka har kann hoon main

Bhuut hoon, bhavishya bhi

Samay ka har kshann hoon main

I am the wind, i am the water
I am every grain of soil
I am the past, i am the present, i am every moment of time

दुर्गा हूँ वैष्णवी भी 
अस्त्र शास्त्र धारिणी हूँ मैं 
चामुण्डा हूँ भद्रकाली भी
महिषासुर घातिनी हूँ मैं
 

Durga hoon, Vaishnavi bhi

Astra Shastra dharini hoon main

Chamunda hoon, Bhadrakaali bhi

Mahishasur ghaatini hoon main

Durga, Vaishnavi....name of the Invincible Goddess
Who carries weapons
Chamunda....slayer of Chand Mund Demons
Slayer of Mahishasur Demon

मातृ पिता के स्नेह से अनिभिज्ञ 
क्यूंकि सर्व श्रिष्टि की जननी मैं 
इसलिए काया पुत्तरी की धारण कर 
भरद्वाज कुल में जनमी मैं
 

Matr Pita ke sneh se anibhigya

Kyunki sarv srishti ki janani main

Isliye kaya puttri ki dharan kar

Bhardwaj kul mein janmi  main

I did not know the love of a mother and father,

 because I created the world and no one created me.
Thats why I was born as a girl in the Bhardwaj clan.

नटखट हूँ चंचल हूँ 
अंगना में गूंजता कोलाहल मैं 
हठ कपट रूठना मनाना 
हर बाल लीला में कुशल मैं
 

Natkhat hoon, chanchal hoon

Angnaa mein goonjta kolahal main

Hath, kapat, roothna manana

Har baal leela mein kushal main

I am mischievous and restless.
The house reverberates with my laughter
Throwing tantrums, feigning, acting upset,
am expert in all that kids do.

पल में कोमल, पल में कठोर 
सतरंगी ममता देख रही मैं 
थक कर पिता के आलिंगन को 
शय्या बनता देख रही मैं
 

Pal mein komal, pal mein kathore

Satrangi mamta dekh rahi main

Thak kar pita ke aalingan ko

Shayya banta dekh rahi main

From doting mother to an angry mother, 

i have seen all colours of mothers affection
I get tired and in a bed made of my fathers embrace,
I fall asleep.

लाडली  हूँ, चहेती हूँ 
पिता के हर स्वास का प्राण हूँ मैं 
प्रतिष्ठा हूँ, सम्मान हूँ
पिता का स्वाभिमान हूँ मैं 

Laadli hoon, chaheti hoon

Pita ke har shwaas ka praan hoon main

Pratishtha hoon, samman hoon

Pita ka swabhimaan hoon main

I am my fathers favourite.
I am the the life in his breath.
I am his self respect

भुजा की ज्वाला हूँ, बलप्रदा हूँ 
पिता का अहंकार हूँ मैं 
भाग्य हूँ लक्ष्मी हूँ 
सुख समृद्धि धन का अम्बार हूँ मैं
 

Bhuja ki jwala hoon, Balprada hoon

Pita ka ahankaar hoon main

Bhagya hoon, Laxmi hoon

Sukh samridhi dhan ka ambaar hoon main

I am the fire in his arms,
i am his strength. ( Balprada....name of Goddess)
I am his pride.
I have written his destiny,
I am the reason for his wealth and happiness

ओढ़नी हूँ लाल चुनार की
अस्मिता की मर्यादा हूँ मैं 
आँखों में बसा काजल हूँ 
माँ के मुख की आभा  मैं
 

Oddhnee hoon laal chunar ki

Asmitaa ki maryada hoon main

Aankhon mein basaa kaajal hoon

Maa ke mukh ki aabhaa hoon main

I am the red colour veil my mother wears ( married woman)

I am the protector of her respect.
I am the beauty in her eyes.
I am the reason her face radiates.

सखी हूँ  सहेली हूँ 
माँ की जीवन पर्यन्त संगिनी हूँ मैं 
अन्नपूर्णा हूँ, शक्ति हूँ 
माँ के चूल्हे की अग्नि भी हूँ मैं 

Sakhi hoon, saheli hoon

Ma ki jeevan paryant sangini hoon main

Annapoorna hoon, shakti hoon,

Ma ke chuleh ki agni hoon main

I am a friend for my mother,
 a companion for her lifetime. 

I am the reason, she is healthy and
I am the fire in the kitchen which feeds our family.

सन्देश भी हूँ मतिहीन समाज को
चाहे जन्मी कन्या रूपिणी हूँ मैं 
स्वयं भ्रह्म विष्णु महेश भी निशक्त मेरे बिना 
क्यूंकि त्रिदेव शक्ति नारायणी हूँ मैं 

Sandesh hoon, matiheen samaj ko

Chahe janmi kanyarupini hoon main

Svayam Brahma Vishnu Mahesh nishakt  mere bina

Kyunki Tridev Shakti Narayani hoon main

I am a message to the ignorant society too.
Though I am born as a girl child.
Do not forget, without me, even Brahma Vishnu Mahesh are powerless.
Because I am the power of God... Narayani.

 

ONE LAST TIME.

A man on bed
       In throes of death
Dying to Survive
       Gasping last breath
Pleading to the Masters
        Oh Pray !!
I ask, my merciful
        One last day

Wasn't alone I realize
         Walking through my life
A companion and friend
         Devoted, dedicated, my wife
Clean home, warm hearth
         Her hands covered in grime
Never thanked, let me now
         Kiss her one last time

So engrossed in work
         Quest fuelled every stride
My children are well fed
         But the childhood cried
Awaits an incomplete sandcastle
        An unheard nursery rhyme
Let me play with them
        O Lord, one last time

Parents acquainted me to the world
        Gave me wings to fly
How can I depart
        Without saying even a goodbye
Sweat blood & sacrifice theirs
         I was the reason prime
Let me in gratitude
          Embrace them one last time

There at the nook
          My best friend stands
Tears in his eyes
          Tremors shaking hands
He has been, in thick and thin
           A partner in every crime
Let me share a joke,
           Laugh with him, one last time

And then a bright light
             A hand shook and awoke me
Good morning, greeted my lovely wife
             I joined hands, prayed to thee
Thank you Lord
              For this last chance
For I shall live
               Live like its for one last time